THINK BEFORE YOU GIVE
By Sue Ronnenkamp

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Are you trying to decide on a housewarming gift for an older parent or friend who has just moved into a retirement community? Or is it anniversary or birthday time or December and holiday time once again? Whether the gift is for a housewarming, the holidays, an anniversary or a birthday, THINK BEFORE YOU GIVE. There are some special issues related to gift giving for the later years of life, which will be the focus for this article.

As I've discussed in several of my articles, sorting through years of accumulated belongings and clutter is by far the most daunting task of later life. I know because I do this for a living. I provide "hands on" help to older adults making later life, downsizing moves. I've spent countless hours of time and emotional energy sorting through belongings and helping clients make decisions about what to keep, what to pass on, and what to sell or donate to charity. Nothing frustrates me more than to go through this arduous process and then watch as children, grandchildren or friends bring them more useless housewarming presents for their new home. Believe me, there is nothing an older person needs less at this point in time than more STUFF!

So please THINK before you decide what to give your mom and dad (or your grandparents) when the next gift-giving occasion rolls around this coming year. Whether your parents or grandparents have gone through the downsizing process or not, I can comfortably bet that 99.9% of the older adults out there do NOT need more "things" at this stage of their lives. What would I suggest you consider for gifts? Let me give you some practical and meaningful ideas for the special older adults in your life.

Food and Other Perishable Items.
For several years I filled a basket with goodies for my parents to enjoy during their winter months in south Texas. I went to a specialty food store (e.g., World Market) and found all sorts of unusual food and drink items that added interest to their meals and snacks. I would retrieve the basket at the end of the winter since my parents didn't need anything more to pack for their trip home and I'd fill the basket again for their Christmas gift the next year. A poinsettia plant would be a nice holiday gift, too, and a fresh flower arrangement is always special - especially because they are to be enjoyed and then thrown away!

Phone Cards.
A client of mine told me how excited she was to get long distance phone cards that she can use to call her son and friends as often as she likes. What a great way to stay in touch and to take away the guilt of spending money for long distance calls. Another idea in this same vein would be to call the phone company and find out if your parents could make changes in their phone plan to get better rates on long distance calls. This is definitely worth checking out with all the current competition in the telecommunication industry.

Travel Vouchers.
How about giving your folks a travel voucher so they can visit you, other family members or friends during the coming year. Spending time with family and friends is one of the greatest gifts we can receive at any point in time.

Service or Entertainment Gift Certificates.
Another wonderful idea is a gift certificate for some kind of service or form of entertainment your parents would enjoy. Services might include a regular hair appointment, massage, manicure, house cleaning, yard maintenance, or anything else that would be helpful or enjoyable. Entertainment might include movie passes, theatre or symphony tickets, or a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant.

Gift Certificate for Replacement Items.
Take a look around your parents' house and see if there are any items that need to be replaced. If your parents have gone through a downsizing move this year they might enjoy a gift certificate for new bath or bedding items. It's fun to replace old towels and sheets with something new and colorful. Maybe your dad is newly widowed and could use some help with shopping for clothes - something your mother always took care of for him while she was alive. Sometimes what may seem simple and practical to you may be a wonderful and much appreciated gift.

Your time.
Consider giving your time instead of a tangible gift this year. This might be time for needed help around the house, or time to help your parents start sorting through their belongings and being there to hear and share the stories and memories. This might be the promise of time to plan and take a trip together. An 82-year-old friend of mine spends a weekend with her three daughters every year in a special location where they can have fun and enjoy each other's company. Every time I visit my parents in the Midwest I make sure I do something helpful for them. The last trip I cleaned several closets and helped them buy new living room chairs. Again, what you do might seem simple and practical but to your parents, your help will be greatly appreciated.

Updated Pictures.
Is it time for an updated family picture, or for new pictures of the grandchildren? We had a new family picture taken in celebration of my parents' 50 th wedding anniversary a few years ago. It had been 12 years since the last family picture was taken. Mom loved the new picture and was able to use the photo for their Christmas cards that year. Many of their friends and family members were not able to attend their anniversary party because of age or distance issues so Mom and Dad's special day was shared with them via this picture.

Subscription.
For many years now I have given my mom a gift certificate to The Daily Word , a monthly publication that includes a daily devotion and thought for each day. I have my own subscription to The Daily Word and Mom tells me that she feels close to me knowing that we are both reading it each day - even though we live many miles and states apart. Even if you don't share a subscription, your mom and dad might like a subscription for a magazine of interest to them. Again, this is something that can be enjoyed and then either passed on to friends, recycled or thrown away.

These are just a few gift suggestions but I hope you get my point. Think of gifts that will be enjoyed and appreciated by your parents at this time in life when accumulated stuff is not the focus. Think of gifts that require more time and thought than money. Think of gifts that will have lasting value. Things will fade or fall apart with time but memories and shared time together last far longer. Your parents won't be here forever. Cherish the remaining time you have together and THINK carefully about the gifts you give them this coming year.

Sue Ronnenkamp is a nationally recognized expert in the area of later life, transitional moves. She is the founder and owner of Living Transitions , an Austin, Texas-based business that provides "hands on" help to older adults making downsizing moves. Sue also provides educational programs and resources including her book, Living Transitions: A Step-by-Step Guide for Making a Later Life Move , a long list of articles, popular presentations that shed a positive light and perspective on this topic, and a Business Starter Kit for Senior Move Specialists. For more information, check out Sue's web site at www.livingtransitions.com or call Sue at 512/407-8488.