CHANGE IN LATER LIFE IS INEVITABLE
By Sue Ronnenkamp

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There is one thing constant in the world and that is change. This is especially true for the later stages of life when change speeds up for us again as it did when we were very young. Even for those of you who have made the big later life move, more change is likely to be in store for you. The key is to be accepting of continued changes in your life and to stay as flexible and adaptable as possible. What changes are we talking about? Let me discuss some of the very probable changes you will face in the years to come.

Adjusting to a New Home
If not before, acceptance, flexibility and adaptability should start when you make your later life move. A client of mine had the perfect wall plaque for her new home in a retirement community. The plaque read, "So this isn't home, sweet, home - ADAPT!" How true this is! For many older adults, making a later life move is one of the biggest changes they have faced in many, many years. And this change is even bigger for those in the current older generation because it's the first time many have ever lived in a communal situation (i.e., living in a building where others reside, eating in a shared dining room, etc.) No, living in this setting is not the same as living in your own single-family home but there are great benefits to having others close by for friendship and support at this time of life. Enjoy the advantages of your new home and adjust and adapt to the rest.

Accepting Changes in Yourself and Your Abilities
There should be a similar wall plaque to remind older adults to deal with the changes they see in themselves and their abilities. I would suggest wording as follows: "So you're not what you were 30 years ago - ADJUST!" I see many, many older adults struggling with accepting changes in their physical and mental abilities, even though most of these changes are a typical and normal part of the aging process and shared by many others in their age group. The key is to not beat up on yourself for what you can no longer do or handle physically, emotionally or mentally. As I wrote in my article, Attitude is Everything! , have a CAN DO attitude and focus on what you still can do and want to do rather than focusing on what you no longer may be able to do at this stage of your life.

Giving Up Driving
Oh, what a BIG issue this is getting to be with the aging of our population. As I have joked about on several occasions, it seems these days like everyone and their dog have a handicapped parking sticker but no one wants to even consider giving up driving. At the rate we're heading, we'll need entire store and mall parking lots dedicated entirely to handicapped parking! The big question in my mind is how can it be okay for an older person to accept having a handicapped parking sticker but not even question that there may be a day when one should no longer be driving? Older people say that giving up driving would mean losing their independence. But where is it written that driving is a right and not a privilege? We were not born driving and most of us will not die driving as we continue to live longer lives. Face up to the fact that there will very likely be a day when you will need to hang up your car keys. Don't wait too long to admit that you may be a danger on the road. Heed the warning signs. Don't risk gambling with your life and the lives of those around you. Your so-called independence isn't worth this level of risk.

Allowing Others to Help You
For those who live through the entire life cycle (into their 80s, 90s, or 100 or greater), many will once again need some form of active support and assistance to function each day. This could be as small as needing someone to drive you to the store or do your grocery shopping to needing full-time support with the activities of daily living. The key is to remember that it is not only acceptable to want or need help and support as we age - it's perfectly natural. In fact, this is as natural as young children needing support in the early, dependent stages of life. It's also key to remember that we can still give of ourselves whether we are providing help or receiving help from others. I have received tremendous gifts from those I have cared for in my life - joy, affection, wisdom, caring, stories, good advice, etc. Women often have a harder time with care receiving because they have typically been caregivers for most of their lives. Believe that it's okay to allow others to help you. Let them feel as good as you did about helping others by allowing them to help you when you need support and assistance.

Accepting Changes in Those Around You
What I also see quite often with my clients and other older adults I know is difficulty in accepting changes in others - especially when this is a spouse. Fortunately and unfortunately (depends on how you look at it), not everyone ages at the same rate. Accepting later life mental, physical and emotional changes in your loved ones can be quite a challenge for many and often tests the patience of even those who have been the most tolerant and understanding. Here's where the "for better or worse" comes into a marriage in full force. Can you still love your spouse even after they have had a stroke, have Alzheimer's Disease, have lost their eyesight, or can't hear any more? Can you be accepting of them and forgive them for their shortcomings? Again, be as flexible and adaptable as possible and realize that if the reverse was true - you were the one with this or that problem - you would want your loved ones to be accepting and understanding of you, even in your changed state.

Losing Loved Ones and Facing Death
Last but not least, death is inevitable in the later stages of life. The mortality rate for our species is still 100% and the odds that you will die keep increasing the older you get. Death is never easy to accept but I do believe that it should be easier to accept the death of someone who lived to a ripe old age. Don't get me wrong. I have mourned my losses and grieved deeply over the passing of those I loved. And I deeply dread thinking about the day when my parents are gone from my life even though I know this day will come now that they are in their 80s. But for older people who die late in life, in most cases I see this as a blessing - the rightful ending to a life lived well and fully.

Death is the final and ultimate transition in our lives and should be accepted and seen as a natural part of the cycle of life. Planning and preparing for this transition is just as important as taking a proactive stance with a later life move and being accepting of other later life changes. Planning ahead lets you consider your options, allows you to make informed decisions, and gives you time to communicate your wishes to those who may be left with the responsibility of making decisions for you. Taking this step shows deep respect and consideration on your part for your friends and family members, and can also leave you with a feeling of completeness and peace.

To everything there is a season.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance..

Accept that change is a constant factor throughout life. Why waste time and energy fighting and struggling against change when it's an inevitable part of living and aging? Make peace with the changes in your life, in yourself and in your loved ones. Accept the changes that lie ahead of you. This will free up space to enjoy and appreciate the positive aspects of aging and the gifts that come with each and every day you wake up to a new day of life.

Sue Ronnenkamp is a nationally recognized expert in the area of later life, transitional moves. She is the founder and owner of Living Transitions , an Austin, Texas-based business that provides "hands on" help to older adults making downsizing moves. Sue also provides educational programs and resources including her book, Living Transitions: A Step-by-Step Guide for Making a Later Life Move , a long list of articles, popular presentations that shed a positive light and perspective on this topic, and a Business Starter Kit for Senior Move Specialists. For more information, check out Sue's web site at www.livingtransitions.com or call Sue at 512/407-8488.