CELEBRATE THE PAST, ACT IN THE PRESENT, AND PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE
By Sue Ronnenkamp

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I saw this phrase, "celebrate the past, act in the present, and prepare for the future" in an article in the American Society for Aging newsletter and I thought it perfectly summed up the ideal way to approach and experience a later life move. I write about all of these phases in my book, Living Transitions: A Step-by-Step Guide for a Later Life Move, and would like to touch briefly on some aspects of each phase in this article.

Celebrate the Past!
If you have lived in your present home for 50, 40, 30, 20, 10, or even 5 years, it has become a part of your life and your memories. If you are like most older adults, a later life move means leaving the home where you raised your family and lived for the majority of your married life. This was a BIG and important time. Before making your move, don't miss out on the opportunity to celebrate all the wonderful experiences and times you had in this home.

Treat endings with as much
importance as beginnings.

There are several ways you can do this. One is by recalling your favorite memories of living in this home. You might even want to do this on a room-by-room basis. This can be done alone or in the company of family or friends. Tears may come with the process and that's okay. Leaving a place you have called "home" is a grieving process, so let the tears flow if they will. But also allow the smiles and laughter to bubble up inside as you take a memory walk through your home and remember the good and happy times!

Another way to do this is to include family and friends in a moving party. Ask each person invited to come prepared with a favorite memory of your home. You may even want to ask them to write this memory or story down on paper so you can savor them again after your move. Make this a festive occasion by requesting that your guests bring some special food or drink to share. After everyone has arrived and has had a chance to get something to eat and drink, ask each person to share his or her memory. Be sure to share several of your own favorite stories and memories and enjoy this wonderful celebration of this time in your life.

Before moving on, take time to look back.
Another important aspect of celebrating the past is to plan for plenty of time to sort through your belongings and enjoy this treasure hunt of your life. Making a downsizing, later life move typically requires digging through a lifetime's accumulation of stuff. Keep in mind that you will run across items and pictures that will bring back lots of memories of the people you have known and experiences you have had. Give yourself time, if at all possible, to savor these memories and to mourn the losses in your life. This is a very important and essential part of the later life transition process.

Act in the Present!
For one, acting in the present means choosing the type of housing that makes sense for where you are now in life. I often hear people say that they have always lived in a large house and couldn't possibly live in something smaller. Says who? Anyone would think a kid going off to college was crazy if he or she said, "I need to live in a 2500 square foot house because that's the only kind of house I have ever lived in." The same would apply if I announced in my 40s, "OK, I'm ready to go live in a retirement community." BUT for some reason people don't see the craziness of someone in their 80s building or renovating a large home - something I consider incredibly inappropriate for a person that age unless they are planning on starting a commune with some of their friends!

The point of all of this is to act in the present. Make decisions that make sense for where you are in your life right NOW, not when you were 30 or 40 years younger and raising a family and entertaining business clients and working your way up the career ladder. Those days are behind you. Typically this move should take you to a setting with less responsibility, more available support and assistance, and hopefully more opportunities for interaction with others. Your new lifestyle should also allow you the time and freedom to do more of what you enjoy, and to have some new experiences.

Speaking of new experiences and doing what you enjoy, again, focus on acting in the present. Just because you used to enjoy golfing or gardening or making quilts or whatever doesn't mean that you have to continue these interests. Do and try what interests you now. When my parents made their big downsizing move from their home, many people asked my dad how he could give up the yard work and gardening he so enjoyed for many years. His reply? "Been there, done that." He now enjoys looking out the window of their apartment and watching the "yard boys" (as he calls them) take care of the lawn work and landscaping. He likes spending his time going to the YMCA and exercising and socializing with new friends. You can CHOOSE what you want to do NOW, and how you want to spend your time.

The same applies to the people in your life. Choose people that you truly enjoy spending time with, people that share your current interests. You have choices at this point that you may have never had before. If you're smart, you will pick friends and companions who are vital, who have positive attitudes about life and aging, who like to laugh and have fun - people who will enhance and bring joy to your days!

Prepare for the future!
Last but not least, we come to the topic of preparing for the future - another very important point of focus for a later life transition. Again, this encompasses a number of aspects. First, it means choosing housing that will either be appropriate for both now and into the future when you may need more direct assistance or support, OR that will allow for an easy flow into this type of setting if the need arises.

Some older adults choose a senior housing community that provides all the necessary levels of care that might be needed so they can continue to live in the same setting even if their physical and support needs change dramatically as they age. Others plan for the possibility of a series of living transitions in the later stages of life, knowing that each move will take them to a smaller home with more support and available assistance.

I'll use my parents as an example of the latter type of planning. In 1996 they moved from a large house in a small, rural community in the Midwest to a smaller house in a larger community where there was accessible health care and other support services readily available. From there, they moved to a two-bedroom apartment in the same community and downsized their belongings again. This is a setting where home maintenance and responsibilities are at a minimum and where either of my parents could do well alone when one of them dies. There is even a nursing home less than a block away should one of them need more extensive care or rehab from surgery. They also purchased their burial plots in a small cemetery close by so the surviving spouse can easily visit the gravesite even if they become less mobile. To me, this is planning and preparing for the future.

Preparing for the future also means getting your personal records in order and making end-of-life decisions and your "final arrangements" plans. It means creating a legacy for the people you love and the people you will one day leave behind. This phase also means seriously considering what you want to do with the rest of your life - how you want to continue living until the day you die. It's not over until the fat woman sings! Or as someone once said, if you think the purpose of your life is complete, think again - if you're still alive, you're not done yet! Set your house in order and plan for the inevitable but also prepare for a future that remains open to new opportunities and possibilities.

Sue Ronnenkamp is a nationally recognized expert in the area of later life, transitional moves. She is the founder and owner of Living Transitions , an Austin, Texas-based business that provides "hands on" help to older adults making downsizing moves. Sue also provides educational programs and resources including her book, Living Transitions: A Step-by-Step Guide for Making a Later Life Move , a long list of articles, popular presentations that shed a positive light and perspective on this topic, and a Business Starter Kit for Senior Move Specialists. For more information, check out Sue's web site at www.livingtransitions.com or call Sue at 512/407-8488.