ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!
By Sue Ronnenkamp

Print this Article

There is one thing, above all other factors, that determines whether someone will make a successful later life transition and that is ATTITUDE. I always say that it doesn't matter if you're 30 or 50 or 70 or 90, if you think change will be bad and difficult, this is probably exactly what it will be for you. But it you think and act with a positive attitude, you will most likely have a positive experience and outcome with any change or transition you make. ATTITUDE drives so much in our lives at every age and stage.

How does attitude apply to the later life transitions and making a later life, downsizing move? Let me show you several ways that having a positive attitude about these life changes can impact the results.

Being Proactive About Moving On
The first area where attitude has a significant impact is whether or not you are being proactive or reactive in making a later life move. For those of you who decide to be proactive, you receive the gift of remaining in control of this process and experience. You get to choose a housing option that better meets your current needs and make plans for your future needs as well. You have the option to remove yourself from the responsibilities that you no longer enjoy or want to take on - like house and yard maintenance. You get to decide when and where you move as well as determine what happens to your belongings as you "lighten the load" for the next part of your life journey. If you don't think these things are important, talk to an older adult who has been forced to move reactively in a crisis and see how positively they view this experience. Taking a proactive approach to a later life move makes all the difference in the world to the outcome.

Letting Go of Belongings
As I have said and written many times, letting go of belongings in later life should be as easy as leaves releasing from the trees and falling to the ground in autumn. If you can take this attitude and realize that letting go of material possessions is a natural part of this cycle of life, this can make a huge difference in how you approach this experience and how you feel about the results. I've worked with many clients who had this attitude and were ready to let go of stuff that no longer fit in their lives, and I can't tell you how much of a difference this made for them and those around them. This doesn't mean that they gave up everything as they downsized and moved on. But they did approach this task with the attitude of choosing wisely what to take with them for the next part of their life journey. These were people who understood that a simpler, less cluttered life has many advantages and benefits. And these were people who made very successful and favorable transitions to their new homes.

Handling the Physical Changes of Aging
There is a story I often tell when I'm giving talks on making a later life move that fits well when talking about the physical changes of aging. One day when I was helping a client move into a retirement community, I had the opportunity to have lunch with one of the residents. This woman told me that she moved into this community because she had lost her eyesight and could no longer drive or care for herself without some assistance. She explained further that all of the blue-eyed children in her family (she and her siblings) lost their eyesight later in life due to some kind of genetic condition. With a gleam in her eye, she then went on to tell me that all of her brown-eyed siblings were now dead so she would take being blind any day!

For this woman, losing her eyesight was NOT the end of the world. She was still alive and able to enjoy life to the fullest - and I was lucky enough to see this woman do just this on several occasions. I observed her joining the morning exercise group at the retirement community, pursuing conversations with those around her, and enjoying life in her new home. For many people, losing one's eyesight would be the end of the world but for this woman, her attitude about this loss made all the difference to how she dealt with this change in her life. Physical changes will come with aging but a positive attitude can help immensely with weathering these changes.

Having a "Can Do" Attitude
Why not focus on what you CAN DO and still want to do instead of focusing on what you no longer may be able to do at this stage of your life? Making a later life, downsizing move typically opens up some free space - space you can use to bring new activities and experiences into your life. Maybe you have always wanted to get involved in politics. Perhaps you'd like to volunteer for a cause that is important to you, like animal rights or literacy. Maybe you would like to learn to paint or sculpt, or play the piano, or devote time to writing. Think of interests you would like to pursue that you may not have had time for previously. It's never too late!

But what if you're saying you can't do any of these things because you can no longer drive or get out easily, find out what options are available to you. Maybe you can offer to host volunteer meetings at your home or in a meeting room at your retirement community. Perhaps you can volunteer to help with needed phone calls that can be made from your apartment. If you can't get out to attend classes, find out if the teacher or class can come to you in your home, your retirement community, or your senior activity center where you know you can share a ride with a friend. In other words, focus on what you CAN DO and have a CAN DO attitude!

Thinking About Giving, Not Just Receiving
This is one area I hadn't given much thought to until I worked with a client who taught me the value of this aspect of a later life move. This was a woman who had a positive attitude from the beginning. She was ready to make a proactive move to a retirement community and she was ready to let go of much of the accumulated stuff of her lifetime. She also took very seriously my suggestion to plan some type of ritual - both to release and celebrate the home where she had lived for many years, and to celebrate and welcome the new beginning in her life.

In most cases, I see older adults I know and work with approach moving to a retirement community with the attitude of what they will GET from this change. They focus on having meals provided in the dining room, having help available when they need it, having the option to give up driving and use the community's transportation, etc, etc. These aren't bad things but it's not often that I see older adults consider what they want to GIVE to the community when they make this move. This is exactly what this client of mine did and incorporated into her ritual of celebrating her move and welcoming this new beginning in her life.

In answer to the question of what she wanted to bring to her new home (the retirement community) with this move, she wrote "An inspiration to others of the joy of life and a positive attitude of grace and gratefulness for the rich daily blessings. To be happy and helpful to others in any way - with a smile, a kind uplifting word, etc. I also want to listen to others. " Even her response to the question of what she wanted to receive while living in her new home had an uplifting and inspiring ring to it. She wrote, "I want to get to know people on a personal basis - their past experiences, travel, work, etc. I want to continue to learn new things!" This woman is a prime example of someone who has the attitude of wanting to fully experience life and who continues to see the value and opportunities of every stage and every age.

How about you? Does your attitude about life need an adjustment? Or are you approaching this later phase of life with a positive attitude, anticipating with excitement the new opportunities and experiences still available to you, and the friendships yet to be made. Attitude is everything, so please do pick a good one. It really will make all the difference.

Sue Ronnenkamp is a nationally recognized expert in the area of later life, transitional moves. She is the founder and owner of Living Transitions , an Austin, Texas-based business that provides "hands on" help to older adults making downsizing moves. Sue also provides educational programs and resources including her book, Living Transitions: A Step-by-Step Guide for Making a Later Life Move , a long list of articles, popular presentations that shed a positive light and perspective on this topic, and a Business Starter Kit for Senior Move Specialists. For more information, check out Sue's web site at www.livingtransitions.com or call Sue at 512/407-8488.